the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
