I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
