I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
