last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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