Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
