I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
