drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
