Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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