Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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