even my farts smell like vagina
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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