He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
