I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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