i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
