break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
