The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
