he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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