well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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