one might say we're banned from that church
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
