I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am available for nakedness
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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