He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
