I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
