I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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