the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
