I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
