Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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