wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
