I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
