I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
