no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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