so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
