Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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