My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
