how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
