I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
