Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
