Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Pooping to opera.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
