I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
