Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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