sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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