I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
