Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
