So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
