Small penises have feelings too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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