I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
