all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
