My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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