I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
