I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Randomize
