Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
