So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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